Saturday, January 9, 2010

7 Rockabilly ways of standing.

In previous posts (click on month) I have covered various Rockabilly topics, including 7 Rockabilly walks and & 7 Rockabilly problems.

As perplexed squares sometimes observe, we have our own way of doing things. It's not contrived; that's just the way we are.

As a general rule, Rockabillies don't like to sit. We got shit to do, places to be, cars to look at guitar to practice and chicks to talk to.

A lot of people have funny walks, but have you ever noticed how they stand? It takes a certain amount of confidence to stand around, motionless for all the world to see.

Thanks to the the invention of the cell phone, douchebags everywhere now have something to do with their right hand while in public. Throw in a man-purse, and the package is complete.

Hip hop white kids are always doing hip hop shit with their hands. They do choppy motions with their hands for emphasis ( know whut I'm sayin' dawg?) It looks like a sideways karate chop trying to spin a turntable. It is fucking annoying.

All the hipsters seem to congregate in gaggles. They will stand around trying to look ironic, but their hands won't fit into the pockets of their skinny jeans, just the fingertips. There they stand, shoulders hunched , sporting slight looks of disdain through their lens-less glasses, and reveling in the sheer hipness of it all.

The hippies don't really stand so much as sway. All the years of inhaling noxious hippie-crack fumes has affected their sense of balance. All the voices in their heads acquired from numerous spirit channeling sessions make their arms involuntarily sway in slow, circular motions ( the tree dance). Looks like they are swatting imaginary flies in slow motion.

Hippies hands are rarely empty, because not counting the bongos in their left hand, they are always carrying some piece of shit that they found in the trash. Three legged chairs, water damaged books, used tin foil ( to be used later to make hats) and whatever other detritus that may be lying about. They are constantly dragging that shit home, so they don't have much time to stand around. ( see earlier post, how to identify a hippie house).

Rockabillies don't mind standing around, all our friends are standing too, and we know good shit is on the horizon. Here are a few Rockabilly ways.

1. The Bar Lean.

One of the Rockabillies' natural habitats is the bar. That's where the bands are, so it stands to reason that that's where the greasers will be.

If you watch old western movies, you will notice that the saloon never has any bar stools. The dusty cowboys always belly up the bar and do their drinking standing up.

Rockabillies are the same. They will naturally gravitate to the bar. One elbow poised on the bar, leaning at a slight angle, holding a beer in one hand, it's a natural way to drink.

It affords a good perspective to scope out the gals and maybe impending trouble.

Drinking at tables seems un-natural. When more Rockabillies show up, they tend to gravitate into a beer circle. Like covered wagons in the old west. They look at all the people sitting at table with contempt.

Drinking at tables is usually reserved for groups of tipsy cougars having a night on the town, older couples who just wanna dig the tunes, or just plain old squares who feel like fish out of water.

This is akin to those lame office parties where, regardless of the number of people present, they feel that they must all sit at the same table. As more people show up, they add more tables, eventually taking over the whole bar while howling like jackals.

Rockabillies will eventually leave the bar and congregate near the stage when the band starts cooking. They will be clutching their ubiquitous beer and only go back to the bar when they need another.

2. What You Got Under The Hood ?

Whenever a greaser sees a hot rod pull up or goes to a car show, the inevitable question will arise; what's under the hood.

Lot of hot rods don't have a hood, but the greasers' natural instinct is to bend down to have a closer look.

It can be a comical sight, 7 or 8 greaser's surrounding a car, intently peering into the engine compartment.

That same angle may also be seen sometimes, late at night, when the copious amounts of PBR have taken their toll. The 45 degree Rockabilly puke. Instead of the hands on the fender, the hands go on the thighs. Hurling ensues and when it's all over, the hair hasn't been messed up.

3. Broke Down South of Vegas.

This one is easy to spot. The greaser's car broke down somewhere and now he is relegated to taking public transportation. You can see him at the bus stop. Looking forlorn and miserable. Shoulders hunched, hands thrust deeply into pockets.

The only thing going through his mind is " Man, this is gonna cost me a shitload of dough."

4: Chest Puffin'.

Woe is the motherfucker who invades the Rockabillies' territory. Some people are too stupid to know what's going on and will attend a Rockabilly show without having a clue.

They can't handle their booze and will dance around like idiots bumping into Rockabilly chicks and then hitting on them. They will annoy the greasers with all their dumb, slurred questions. "What year is that car?" seems to top the list.

The greasers will get increasingly annoyed and the chest puffing will start. The oblivious idiots are unaware that they are cruisin' dangerously close to a bruisin'.

A altercation usually ensues after the freaks won't leave the gals alone and start spilling drinks everywhere, and it usually ends with a few shoves, and punch in the face, mass eviction of the drunken louts or all of the above.

5. Come Here Often?

Yeah, greasers like the gals. With so many hotties usually in attendance, the old testosterone usually kicks in around midnite.

Who can resist all those sexy outfits and those high heels? Around this time of night, you can usually find the greaser chatting up some gal, one hand around her waist, the other hand clutching a beer, with his head slightly cocked to one side to hear what she is saying.

Even though he is intent on what she is saying, a quick, well timed perusal of the boobs in the low cut dress is part of the ritual.

Unfortunately, half of those cats conveniently forgot that they have a girlfriend somewhere in the bar and will be in the ole doggie house the next day and will have to explain their lecherous, boob-staring ways.

6. Where The Hell Am I ?

This usually only happens at Viva Las Vegas. Boozing seems to go into overdrive in Vegas. They sell PBR in cans, but so does the convenience store in the hotel. There are throngs of greasers walking around with a couple of cans tucked into their boots, one in each back pocket, one in each side pocket and one in each fist.

After a day in the hot Nevada sun checking out the hot rods, the greasers will seek out the bands. They will keep drinking and buying more illicit PBR. Many shows will be missed as they wander the labyrinthine innards of the hotel.

Around 3 am or so, one can observe hundreds of greasers aimlessly wandering about, looking up as they try to decipher the signs in their drunken haze.

They all have that dazed look as they slowly stagger about and ask themselves the same question; " where the fuck is the elevator?"

7. Waiting in Line.

Greasers don't wait in line.

Hope you have enjoyed. Don't just stand there. get greasy !

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