Sunday, August 16, 2009

Rockabilly Talk.

Being greasy means just that. You can't just look greasy, you have to think greasy. Here's some random greasy shit that I have uttered over the years.

" Shut up, boy, or I'll come down offa this stage and kick yer ass".
From the stage, into the microphone to some stupid heckler in a hippie bar that used to book my band.

" It ain't rock'n'roll unless you got alky-hol".
Into the microphone,from the stage at Ronnie Weiser's meet'n'greet, Las Vegas. I was introducing my next song, Drinkin' wine spo-dee-odee, and I was getting hammered from drinking beer in the hot Nevada sun all day.

"Just put the damn thing in a to-go cup, and quit givin' me a hard time".
To some effeminate hipster in a pretentious coffee shop. He had an ironic mustache and a walking stick. Don't even ask why I ended up there.

"Does it sound like I have any Led Zeppelin?"
To some drunken lout from my DJ booth while spinning on a rockabilly night.

" See that line at the door? That's my totalitarian regime."
To some drunken suit-wearing upper management types who were being complete idiots when I was a bouncer at a downtown pub.

" I'm doing the best I can officer."
Slurred response to " Hey buddy, you're all over the road", from an obviously amused police officer who saw a drunken goof riding a chopper bicycle weaving and wobbling (me).

"Whaddya mean it's last call?"
My first week in Vancouver

"If I buy you a drink, will you shut up and get away from me?"
To some drunken hoser during my second week in Vancouver. The bar had a bell, which I rang, not knowing that it meant I was buying a round for the whole bar.

In response to "You can bring your bike in, but you have to remove your hat" on my first visit to a Legion.

"Yeah, I'll give you 20 bucks for that CD player"
To a bum in a skid bar. When I got home it turned out that that CD player had no innards. 3rd week in Vancouver. Live and learn.

"Will you take 20 bucks?"
To a cab driver in Vegas on my way back from Viva Las Vegas, after I had done way too much gambling.

"I dunno".
To some Skytrain attendants who asked where I was going as I was trying to get my 9 foot long chopper bicycle onto the Skytrain after a booze cruise and copious quantities of beer.

"It's only gonna get louder."
To some square who was bitchin' at me at the club where I was spinning, claiming" she couldn't have a conversation because it was too loud.

First time I used a computer.

To some hicks at a Dwight Yoakam concert who asked me if I was with the band. If I was with the band what would I be doing hanging around by myself waiting for the doors to open?

"Thanks man".
To the kids at the liquor store who call me dude.

"Whutta you, a cop?"
To any self-entitled prick who thinks it is their duty to tell others what to do, where's your bike helmet? , you're cursing to much, your car stinks, your eating meat, the bike path is over there, you're not supposed to drink beer in the park, you're not supposed to park here etc. etc.

Here are some random things you will never hear me say.

Do you have the large sized bottles of patchouli?

Pass that joint.

How much for the bongos?

I got tickets to see Phish.

I'm celebrating Woodstock's 40th.

I'll have another tofu hot dog.

Free beer? No thanks.

Contrails, man!

Roswell, man!

I wanna go to Burning Man.

What time is tea today?

I'll have the Merlot, an un-assuming wine with a hint...bla,bla.

Tell me about your cat.

Let's go clubbing and dance on speakers.

Where's my macrame hat?

Ooh, a drum circle.

Che Guevera, man!

The Government, man!

Hope you enjoy, until the next rant.

1 comment:

  1. Fuckin' granola munchers. For the record, I have a bike but get wet at the sound of a set of straight exhaust pipes rumbling in the distance.

    Excellent blog, mi amigo. You might be interested in my site, although you are allll the way out west. The Greaser Garage. Cheers!